I was free to make up any story I wanted about where I came from. Eventually, though, curiosity got the best of me.
How Do I Find My Biological Father? | taira-kousan.com
I wanted the nature-nurture debate settled once and for all — at least as far as I was concerned. I picked up the phone and dialed. When I identified myself, she became angry. I apologized, she relaxed a bit and we spoke briefly. We noted that our voices were similar. She told me she never had any other children. Later, we exchanged a letter with a photo.
There was a resemblance but not much of one. A friend noted, however, that her scrawl was as jagged and ugly as mine. After the letter exchange, we had no further communication. The tepid contact with my biological mother dampened my curiosity about my birth parents, but it never entirely left me. Later, when I had time on my hands, I trawled an adoption Web site.
With very little effort, I discovered throngs of people willing to help me track down my biological father, which proved to be a bit more of a challenge than finding my birth mother had been. She would not speak about him. After a letter went astray and was later received, he made contact. Biodad was quite pleased to hear from me and arranged a slapdash family reunion. He picked me up in his windowless Jeep, and we drove to a mobile-home park in central California , where I met my biological uncle and grandmother.
During the two-hour car ride back, my biological father talked mostly about his motorcycle, his boat and working out. When we parted, he asked me if I wanted him to take me to Disneyland. I was That was the last time I saw him. When social media became a thing, I jumped in, elated at the thought that my birth mother might one day find me through this fancy thing called the internet.
It wasn't until much later that I found out that she didn't even know my name and never would have been able to find me. But ever eager, I plastered myself on the internet. I immediately pounded out a probably-too-emotional-but-still-very-respectful-and-sensitive message, talked to her on the phone the very next day, and flew across the country to meet her for the first time since I was a wee little baby the very next week.
It was magical. I don't know how else to describe it. So, so, so unbelievably special. Annnnnd, of course, he never knew I existed. So that's that, right? And honestly, it did. Life is awesome and I sure as heck wasn't going to waste it thinking too much about something I would never have.
Your problems solved
Suddenly, the prospect of being able to find my birth father became real. And I didn't wait a beat to start my search. I shipped my DNA off to 23andme and Ancestry DNA and crossed my fingers for relative matches that would enable me to find my birth father.
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Hours of deep internet stalking later, I found him. That moment was a rush of emotion like you wouldn't believe. There were tears. I messaged him. He responded. I talked to him. I swapped stories with him. He introduced me to my half-brother wow, wow, wow—awesome. And my aunts. And my cousins. And my grandparents. And, well, you know the rest of the story because I even filmed a video with him! The video you just watched above.
Needless to say, this has been every bit as wondrous as finding my birth mother was 10 years ago.
First Step—Taking a DNA Test
I hope that—at the very least—this story brings a smile to your face because the world can be pretty awesome sometimes. If you're a fellow adoptee hoping to one day connect with your birth family, I hope this inspires you to keep forging ahead on your search. You've got this. And when you do find them, reach out with the utmost sensitivity. If you need support or advice, I'm here for you.
You are NOT the father!
And if you one day find out you have a child or sibling or niece or nephew or cousin or grandchild you never knew about hey—it could very well happen to you , I hope this inspires you to embrace that beautiful gift with open arms and lots of love. Because it truly is a beautiful thing.
Aren't they cute?