Can i find someone to marry

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Register here and let us help you find love! Member login. EliteSingles logo. So is it just our imaginations, or has the process of finding a mate become much more challenging in recent years? Well, it is a fact that fewer people are getting married these days. And of course those who do get married are taking far longer to do so than previous generations. Just recently , I wrote about how the average American woman is getting married 7.

Get Spirit-filled content delivered right to your inbox! Click here to subscribe to our newsletter. Below, I would like to share eight reasons why it has become so hard to find someone decent to marry. We live in a "me-centered" society in which tens of millions of us are literally in love with ourselves. When pleasing self becomes the highest priority, that doesn't leave a lot of room for the kind of self-sacrificial love that marriage requires. So many of us are inclined to stay with our "partners" for only as long as they make us happy, and the instant that ends many of us wish to dispose of them.

And that is a lot easier to do if you are "living together" instead of being legally married. As a society, we have rejected the values of previous generations, and today most people generally do whatever they feel like doing. But this can become a major problem when you are looking for someone "who shares your values" to marry. With each passing generation, we have become less Christian, less "conservative," and less moral.

Unfortunately for young single adults, these trends do not seem likely to change in a major way any time soon. A lot of single people these days will not date someone unless that individual has "good prospects" for the future. Of course it is entirely reasonable to want a spouse who will work hard, but many young people are taking their obsession with materialism to ridiculous extremes.

Parents often provide their male children with a home or car to make them appear more attractive. Women are often encouraged to "marry up" and not to settle for anyone who can't provide material benefits. A woman from the southwestern city of Chengdu rejected her boyfriend's flash mob proposal last December, when she saw the ring and thought the diamond was too small. It was reminiscent of a famous line from a Chinese dating show, when a contestant said, " I would rather cry in the back of a BMW than smile on the back of a bicycle.

Have you noticed that a lot of young men in their 20s and 30s would rather spend all day watching television and playing video games than doing something constructive? And record numbers of them have moved back home with no apparent intention of moving out.

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In some cases, this is being done out of necessity because there aren't enough good jobs, but in other cases, it is simply pure laziness. Unfortunately, there is no causal necessary connection between marriage and this sort of feeling. Getting married has no power to keep a relationship at this beautiful stage.

It is not in command of the ingredients of our happiness at that point. In fact, marriage will decisively move the relationship on to another, very different moment: to a suburban house, a long commute, two small children. The only ingredient in common is the partner. And that might have been the wrong ingredient to bottle. The Impressionist painters of the nineteenth century had an implicit philosophy of transience that points us in a wiser direction.

They accepted the transience of happiness as an inherent feature of existence and could in turn help us to grow more at peace with it. Towards dusk, the sun nearly breaks through the landscape. For a little time, the glow of the sky makes the bare branches less severe. The snow and the grey walls have a quiet harmony; the cold seems manageable, almost exciting.

In a few minutes, night will close in. Impressionism is interested in the fact that the things we love most change, are only around a very short time and then disappear.

It celebrates the sort of happiness that lasts a few minutes, rather than years. In this painting, the snow looks lovely; but it will melt.

The sky is beautiful at this moment, but it is about to go dark. This style of art cultivates a skill that extends far beyond art itself: a skill at accepting and attending to short-lived moments of satisfaction. The peaks of life tend to be brief.

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The statistics are not encouraging. Everyone has before them plenty of examples of terrible marriages. They know perfectly well that — in general — marriages face immense challenges. And yet we do not easily apply this insight to our own case. Without specifically formulating it, we assume that this is a rule that applies to other people. The beloved feels like around one in a million. With such a winning streak, the gamble of marrying a person seem entirely containable. We silently exclude ourselves from the generalisation. But we could benefit from being encouraged to see ourselves as exposed to the general fate.

Before we get married, we are likely to have had many years of turbulence in our love lives. No wonder if, at a certain point, we have enough of all that.

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Part of the reason we feel like getting married is to interrupt the all-consuming grip that love has over our psyches. We are exhausted by the melodramas and thrills that go nowhere. We are restless for other challenges. Preparing us for marriage is, ideally, an educational task that falls on culture as a whole. We have stopped believing in dynastic marriages.

We are starting to see the drawbacks of Romantic marriages. Now comes the time for psychological marriages. Unfortunately, tradition has encouraged the idea that the night of the wedding should be filled with heroic sex. This might happen but there are plenty of good reasons why it probably….

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